


Charles Snippy and the Portal Laboratory

by Ubernuub242



Category: Romantically Apocalyptic
Genre: Only gonna add tags as they become relevant, Portal AU, YAHAHA I AM A GOD AND I CAN MAKE AS MANY WIPS AS I WANT UNITL I DIE, hey also WHAT IS A BETA READER, will this be a shippy fic? who knows cuz i don't, wink wonk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-06-25 06:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19740145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ubernuub242/pseuds/Ubernuub242
Summary: Don't you hate it when you finally get back from nearly dying in the salt caverns you were relocated to, only to discover all your coworkers have been killed and you're stuck in some pointless testing program that could very well make your previous attempts at not dying futile?Anyways, Annet sure does make some pretty cool guns.(title is a wip UwU)





	1. In Which Snippy Has an Abrupt Awakening

**Hello valued user! You have been selected as the next subject for testing! The Good Directorate wishes you a Good morning! Rise and Shine!**

**~Tu du du!~**

As the painfully familiar notes rang through my head, I cracked open my eyes just in time to see glass panels silently retract, revealing painfully bright lights.

_Morning already? Wait, no._

My mind felt jumbled, tripping over itself as it attempted to sort through what was going on. I blinked the bleariness away, rubbing my eyes as I sat up. I wasn't in my bed, that was for sure, I was lying on some sort of pod lined with weird squishy white stuff that I distantly registered felt like a mushroom. A slightly moist and very porous mushroom. _Uegh,_ I grimaced, _okay what happened? Let's see... oh yeah! I was dying..._

-

The darkness seemed infinite, endless. My rations had long since been used up, all hope of rescue lost. All I had left were my directorate assigned night-vision/emotive goggles, which despite all other electronics long since failing, still managed to work.

Half blindly, I stumbled about the caverns. I hadn't dranken water in what I assumed had to have been days. Food was a distant dream, one that my grumbling stomach quite often reminded me of. Help hadn't come. At that point, I assumed it never would.

I, Charles Snippy, the last and only remaining survivor of the Scientific Acceleration Through Extermination (or S.A.T.E.) teams, was soon to be alive in only the past-tense. With each step, my feet felt heavier and heavier, and I knew it was only a matter of time until-

I slipped.

During the fall, my goggles flew from my head, landing somewhere else at the bottom of the precapice. As I looked about from my very tactical position on the floor, my eyes met a distant light, far far away. _Have I somehow managed to stumble all the way back to the laboratories?_

My heart lept into my throat as I realized the distant light was in fact two lights, both of which were approaching.

I would like to say I scrambled to my feet, ready to fight for my life, boldly brandishing what little hope I had left. At that point, though...

I laid there, a weird sort of calm rushing over me. _Is this what all people feel before they die?_ , I wondered. I couldn't bear to move, it just seemed so impossible. I might as well at least give whatever monster had found me a proper meal. And so, the lights crept forward until there they were, two, frankly rather small, purple orbs staring down at me.

"AH, APOLOGIES, MONSEIGNEUR," The Monster spoke in a rambunctious voice, "I APPEAR TO HAVE KEPT YOU WAITING!"

"Uh..." was all I managed to get out before suddenly The Monster swept me up from the floor in a rather-strong-but-not-exceedingly-murdery-grip.

The rest was a blur. The Monster had kept babbling on about a job offer or something while I focused on moving my feet. They were steering me somewhere? To a lair where they could better eat me, perhaps. Looking at myself now, either they weren't succesful or the Good Directorate had somehow crept into my afterlife.

I shook my head. Maybe it was just the delusions that came with being in the darkness for so long, isolated from all human life. Anyways, looking about the room I was stuck in, it appeared I was in a glass cage of some sort within a slightly bigger and painfully white room, with a toilet, a nightstand, and a silent radio for company. Then, I noticed the large looming camera on the wall of the room. Its three light blue lenses were pointed directly at me.

 _This is a pretty weird afterlife,_ I thought to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, listen.... Romantically Apocalyptic is great, Portal is great, let's just... let's just smash those two together, hm? Also it's 6 am and I'll look over this for mistakes LATER SHH


	2. Who doesn't appreciate some new shoes?

I shifted to the side of the surface I was lying on. It seemed to be one of the cryostasis chambers I had heard about. Volunteers were put into forcefully induced comas in these to wait till... Well, whatever 'testing' involved. But this didn't make sense, How did I get here? Why was I in the testing chambers? And... _and what happened to my boots???_

I flipped over to sit on the bedside. My G-patterned socks stared at me as I wiggled my toes, searching my still foggy memory... 

....nnnnope not comin up with anything. _Did the monster just want to eat my shoes?_ My nose crinkled at the thought. At least I still had my jacket and goggles- 

Wait! My goggles! I groaned. _This is all DEFINITELY coming out of my paycheck._

Searching around the room, my eyes landed on two odd strappy boots tucked close to the bed. On one was a piece of paper. I picked it up. The paper was a sticky note with a smiley face...

Yeah, no thanks. I discarded the paper to observe the footwear.

The boots were more akin to stilettos than any other kind of footwear. It would be far more likely I break an ankle in these than in my bare socks, so I tossed them away-

Only to watch them land perfectly on the ground, standing straight up as if I had gingerly set them down.

I blinked in disbelief. Maybe I just had a lucky throw? Stepping down onto the white checkered floor, I picked one up. In both hands I held it on its side. I dropped it and it fell just like a normal shoe- then like a magnet on a metal surface, the sole hit the ground and the entire shoe corrected into an upright position.

Well... I took a quick look around once more, making sure no one was here to sue me. Due to my "status" I guess I wasn't really going to be able to find a way out anyways unless I managed to run into any other faculty. I was alone. I slipped a foot into one of the shoes. 

I immediately felt anchored to the ground, as if an invisible tether was keeping me upright.

Well guess I wasn't going to be snapping any limbs in these any time soon. I donned the other boot and eased my way about the room.

I hadn't really worn heels before, due to the afformentioned "ankle-breaking" risks, but these shoes seemed to make those concerns void. After a few rounds of walking in them it felt as natural as walking on my tip toes! I whistled in appreciation.

**Attention valued test subject!**

I jumped, landing squarely back down on my feet. Thanks, boots.

**The portal shall open and testing will begin momentarily! We would like to thank you again for volunteering your time to Good Laboratories!**

My ears popped from a sudden pressure change and a slow, undulating noise sounded from behind me. Slowly, I turned.

A large, dark blue oval greeted me with seemingly as much cheeriness as the Good Laboratories final resounding ~ **Tu du du!~**

* * *

"Charles, a memo was sent from the higher ups. I know you weren't able to see it since, yknow, you're, um..."

"Yeah yeah, just give me the paper please."

"Right, uh here you go."

"Thanks, Lana... G-damn! What is this?"

"It's affecting the entire facility. All office employees have to comply."

"...Mandatory volunteering? This can't be LEGAL, right?"

"It's either this or we lose our jobs."

"Testing their own employees? Are we not getting enough subjects any more?"

"You've seen the numbers, Charles, you know as well as I do the company's losing funds. We can't afford outside liabil- er, paid volunteers anymore."

"..."

"Don't worry, it's just a bit of testing and then back to work! Supposedly it'll 'forward science' by a few decades so it's not that bad!"

"...right."

"Chin up, Charles. It'll be over before you know it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to add picturees but turns out u gotta post em somewere else b4 u can atach them so I'm gona go cry in the corenr buyeeee

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, listen.... Romantically Apocalyptic is great, Portal is great, let's just... let's just smash those two together, hm? Also it's 6 am and I'll look over this for mistakes LATER SHH


End file.
